HOW TO SURVIVE THE RECESSION: A not-so-serious guide to braving the USA's economic strategies

Obama is Back!
I really wanted the democrats to win. (Stop the Closet-Republican Allegations!)
Ok fine. I really didn't care about the Presidential Elections. (Even though it's cool to watch the debates and have an opinion on it nowadays).
But what I do care about, is if this is going to impact employment. Everyone is sick of this stupid recession/economic downturn. I miss the days the SENSEX was in the twenty thousands. Those days, I wanted to be a stock broker. Now, tragically, I'm to be a lawyer.
Which brings me back to the job search scene. WHY ARE THERE NO JOBS! Everyone's coming back home from all the cool places they were. And everyone who's traveling abroad for a job is probably fucked thanks to the tightened VISA regulations. Therefore, I have for you, wait-for-it... *drumroll*...

JOB SEARCH STRATEGIES

Sandwich Board

You should parade around with a sandwich board that spells out your qualifications. For example the main the picture. DON'T DO IT IF YOU'RE A LAWYER OR AN INVESTMENT BANKER. No. Seriously. Someone might shoot you.

Apply for a Human Resources Job
They have to be recruiting to reject all those applications.

Sell what people want
I'm not encouraging the illegal sale of Weed and Sex. At least not directly. Oh. OH. You could move to Washington or Colorado.

Start a Suicide Helpline for the Unemployed
Lot's of demand. Do the world some good. I'm sure the unemployed will at least pay for it with food.

Barter System
There was nothing wrong with the state of nature. When you can't buy what you want/need- it's time to exchange.

Be an Entrepreneur
In this economy? Who am I kidding?

Employment Lawyer
Best business to be in, in the United States. Not in India. Duh.

Civil Services in a Social Welfare State
If you ever pass the exam, that is. I have a sneaky suspicion, they draw lots to decide who passes this year.

Book-Cooking Expert
Really needed right now.

Cook-from-Home
Fewer licenses required. And everyone eats when stressed.

Stay at Home and Make Babies
Isn't that what the men always wanted? You can pass the blame. :D

Or you could go ahead and get yourself a dead end job. Like I will. Before I switch to staying at home and making babies. Maybe. Scratch that. Probably.
Teehee!

Real India. Huh?

You know what really really amuses me?
Goras in India and their idea of what India is.
See, when goras are abroad, they think India is this mystic land of culture and traditions that are essentially really really weird. SO they believe we travel via elephant and we eat on leaves and wear really odd clothing.
Goras, unlike us Indians, also believe in the entire "experience" when they travel. So it's not about sightseeing, it's about living that country.
I completely love that idea and try to do as much of that as i can when I travel. But the mistaken conceptions they harbour when they come to India are just downright hilarious.
I mean, have you seen those loose culottes/harem pants/dhoti pants that they wear with weird designs and mantras on them? Or the random use of the bindi. And the worst is when they try to wear a saree or a salwar kameez.
I mean, do you see our men in kilts in Scotland?
NO.
I just faiil to understand why they dress like that.
And then they try to eat and drink wherever we do and then complain about food poisoning. You can't handle it. We told you so. Let's get you some electral now.
I mean, Real India isn't about mysticism. It isn't about fake sadhus. It is NOT about yoga. And we do speak English. It's what's sold to them. And that's how they're easy to con.
True Story.
Maybe Lonely Planet should do a disclaimer piece on that.
Really.

Why Not?

Disclamer: This isn't supposed to be an inspiring post which tells you to "never say NO'. (obviously the exception to that inspiring line is "Say NO to drugs", but everyone forgets that)

I mean when the universe showers you with crap, it always rains dog poop.
seriously.
I'm now back at Law School. Again. Unreformed. And therefore I am yet again cool challenged.
It's true. When I ask people to tell me cool things, they say "fridge, ice, winter, cooler, refrigerator,...". Just imagine my plight.
I'm also poor. It is one another reason why i hate juniors. Too expensive. You always have to treat them.
And I am now in my third year here. Which means dinosaurs for teachers. Or the most boring, pointless, procedure based courses that are impossible to pass. In addition to that I have the uphill task of raising my grades before me. *Sigh*

I have such cool friends back home. They party and party and party some more and do exciting courses in exciting places in the world and do exciting people. Nobody lives in Nagarbhavi. The land of the RSS. It's true. I've been chased for frequenting the chai-wala with the same boy. And nobody wears pretty clothes. :(

So now when even more crap happens I choose to tell myself, why not? How much crappier can it get. And believe me, it always surprises me :)

You should have expected a whiny post after such a long break.
Don't Lie.

Practice + Preach + Propagate

No. The sky doesn't look like that from my terrace.

Hello Boys and Girls :)
I'm in a preachy mood today. My preach isn't the must- most not type. More the, I theorized when I had an idle mind and think I should share my conclusions type.
Therefore, here goes

Theory 1:
Women bond with other women over a common enemy.
Believe me.
Everybody knows that the clothes, shoes, hot men and chick flicks is frivolous.
What keeps them together?
a) A woman must always thing that the other woman is better than her. When both parties think so about each other, there is a mutual respect created and that alone can keep the friendship going. It's not an appreciation thing. It's a she is showoff-able and might-be-useful-to-me-someday thing.
b) What do women do together which involves conversation? Gossip. The mean, bitchy kind.
What can they bitch about consistently over a period of time? A common enemy. Generally another woman or other women they know. Now the catch is that this common enemy cannot be someone they don't consider as an equal. They should always be able to hold up the garb of criticism. Ergo, this common enemy should be an equal.
It's true. No woman likes more than 2 or 3 other women who she isn't related to and HAS to like. Mostly frivolous.

Theory No. 2
There is a thick defined line between friends and acquaintances.
So I've been accused of thinking not very highly of friendships. But it's actually reverse. I think very highly of friendships and so very very very few people are slotted as friends. Everyone else is just an acquaintance. It's true. We've all established in our lives that most people should not and cannot be trusted. And this becomes a very shaky concept especially for extroverts. Therefore. Keep it simple. Remember: Nobody cares. Except someone tried and tested. Therefore friendships resealed with an apology after a massive breakdown are the strongest.

On a completely unrelated note
and a much happier one
Have you EVER professed affections for someone you don't know has reciprocal feelings?
The butterflies. Are. INSANE.
Try it some time.
And don't tell me you're a chauvinist pig or an old school girl who believes it's a boy's job.
Go out there. Do your thing man.
Chill a little bit.
<3

Long-ish blogpost after a long long time. I was on the terrace (staring at the stars of course) and felt this urge to blog and impart my wisdom. Teehee. :D
Maybe it's just my Land Law exam tomorrow. And that thing about the Land Acquisition Act that just can't keep me hooked. I mean , seriously? I know farmer disputes are heartbreaking. But I really don't care about the digitization of the Land Revenue System in Karnataka. I'm a Bombay Presidency person who'll have to learn it all over again, ANYWAY.
Stupid federal system and state list subjects.
Ooops! Legal Jargon.

OkayMustPassBye.

PS- Home in 2 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Bimbo.

I'm not a very short tempered person. 

I can keep my cool even when things really bother me.

Put up a facade of amusement and all that.

But there are certain things that are just so ridiculously annoying i want to grab the person by the collar, ram his head into the wall and then set him on fire and watch him burn.

Really.

One of those things is people calling me stupid.

Especially because I'm really smart.

No. Really.

I go to NLSIU, Bangalore. And i got in on merit.

even if that were a fluke. I'm generally street smart too.

Let me tell you of some instances

Criminal Law II viva

My teacher generally takes my case a lot in class. only on grounds of random gossip. Small community and all that. 

So i walk in and he  asked me a couple of questions here and there.

after he was done, he asked

"what's your CGPA"

so i said,

5.3 sir.

So he says- "Wow. That's good for your batch"

With incredulity and all that!

I mean, seriously. Cut me some slack.

 

NLSMUN 2011

and then the time at NLSMUN

when i was on the executive board of a committee.

we were having a feedback session and i asked my delegates how i did.

and a couple of them say, 

"Chair, you look like a bimbo. Just don't talk like one."

Come on. Are you kidding me?

 

You're dumb if you think I'm a bimbo

But I've been told I should take it as a compliment.

Maybe it means I can be smart and not look like Nerdasaur.

:)

or maybe not.

*sigh*

I'll never know.