HOW TO SURVIVE THE RECESSION: A not-so-serious guide to braving the USA's economic strategies

Obama is Back!
I really wanted the democrats to win. (Stop the Closet-Republican Allegations!)
Ok fine. I really didn't care about the Presidential Elections. (Even though it's cool to watch the debates and have an opinion on it nowadays).
But what I do care about, is if this is going to impact employment. Everyone is sick of this stupid recession/economic downturn. I miss the days the SENSEX was in the twenty thousands. Those days, I wanted to be a stock broker. Now, tragically, I'm to be a lawyer.
Which brings me back to the job search scene. WHY ARE THERE NO JOBS! Everyone's coming back home from all the cool places they were. And everyone who's traveling abroad for a job is probably fucked thanks to the tightened VISA regulations. Therefore, I have for you, wait-for-it... *drumroll*...

JOB SEARCH STRATEGIES

Sandwich Board

You should parade around with a sandwich board that spells out your qualifications. For example the main the picture. DON'T DO IT IF YOU'RE A LAWYER OR AN INVESTMENT BANKER. No. Seriously. Someone might shoot you.

Apply for a Human Resources Job
They have to be recruiting to reject all those applications.

Sell what people want
I'm not encouraging the illegal sale of Weed and Sex. At least not directly. Oh. OH. You could move to Washington or Colorado.

Start a Suicide Helpline for the Unemployed
Lot's of demand. Do the world some good. I'm sure the unemployed will at least pay for it with food.

Barter System
There was nothing wrong with the state of nature. When you can't buy what you want/need- it's time to exchange.

Be an Entrepreneur
In this economy? Who am I kidding?

Employment Lawyer
Best business to be in, in the United States. Not in India. Duh.

Civil Services in a Social Welfare State
If you ever pass the exam, that is. I have a sneaky suspicion, they draw lots to decide who passes this year.

Book-Cooking Expert
Really needed right now.

Cook-from-Home
Fewer licenses required. And everyone eats when stressed.

Stay at Home and Make Babies
Isn't that what the men always wanted? You can pass the blame. :D

Or you could go ahead and get yourself a dead end job. Like I will. Before I switch to staying at home and making babies. Maybe. Scratch that. Probably.
Teehee!

Redefining Epic

I've been having a bad run lately. Everyone's luck runs out. Thankfully, mine is like those rechargeable batteries. So the plan is to lie low till then.
But this is about something else.

I didn't come to Law School with a plan. I'm not even Mojo Jojo with ambitions to takeover/destroy the world. But you could definitely categorize me as ambitious. Ok. I'll admit it. Maybe sometimes even cut throat bitch. The tragedy of my generation is that nobody can be epic anymore. I'll give you a few examples-

A] THE GUY WHO SKYDIVED FROM THE EDGE OF SPACE
After skydiving from 24 miles off the earth's surface (while marketing Red Bull) Felix Baumgartner, like a real  boss, tweeted- "I just jumped from space, what did you do today".

Thanks for making me feel lame Baumgartner. Get me some Redbull, I need the wings so I don't die when I jump off terrace in my law firm office.

B] THE GUY WHO MADE A YOUTUBE VIDEO AND GOT TO FLAG OFF A GRAND PRIX
Psy. His name is not even a complete syllable. But he danced like a maniac in a video and then had the entire West Indies team dance like that on winning the World Cup, flagged off the Korean Grand Prix and then danced with the Secretary General of the UN. Come on.

C] JUSTIN BIEBER
His net worth is 110 million USD according to Wikipedia. How did that happen?

D] THE GUY WHO HAD THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD
Ben Southall got to be the caretaker of the islands of the Great Barrier Reef while being treated like a king for six months. 'Nuff said.

This is the world rejecting nerds. It's got to be.

PS- if you're still not feeling bad enough- SEE http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/10/amazing-child-prodigy-ast_n_1870865.html

The Fake LV Phenomenon

I'm a Bombay girl who grew up around Juhu. Before you start stereotyping me and judging me, I should tell you that this post is essentially to stereotype and judge other women. So you can go right ahead :D

I was at Istanbul airport for a stop over a few weeks ago. Traveling alone, I had nothing to do but stare at everyone who passed me buy. I habitually check women out, so that was how i was passing time. What was glaringly obvious (so much so that I can't even say that i observed the trend or even noticed it) was that EVERY third woman was carrying a Louis Vuitton bag. Now either the whole world has gotten loaded without me noticing while i was worrying about recession, or thanks to the People's Republic of China, we have a slew of fakes. I'm betting on the latter.
On returning home and generally finding the time to facebook stalk my classmates from once-upon-an-era, I noticed that it wasn't just Istanbul. It was all of Bombay too.
Because i had nothing to do for several days but to stare into empty space, i theorized about WHY you would want to carry an LV, original or otherwise. especially since those bags are seriously over priced. I mean, buy yourself a bunch of pretty bags off ASOS. Why just one bag with that HIDEOUS monogram?

I'm going to proceed to make a list of the various kinds of women who would carry one. Fake or otherwise.

1) The Job Profile-r
These are the socialites and actresses and those under media glare who are just expected to flaunt these brands. Some of them get it right. Most of them get it wrong. But they're essentially showing that they'll invest in fashion because it's an important element to their job profile.

2) The Ladies Who Lunch
These are the women who pretend to be friends to meet occasionally at expensive restaurants only to eat miniscule meals just so they can show off how rich their husbands are and how they're buying their wives extremely expensive things to save their marriages. An LV is essential for survival in this scenario. However, one isn't enough. There need to be multiple. The smart ones buy smart knock offs.

3) The College Crowd
I'd say it was the Gossip Girl effect. But if it were then the bags would be better than ugly LVs. However, it's cool to be rich. And owning an LV makes you look rich. This is the category where fakes are most prevalent. I'm sure these women think it ups their fashion quotient but to True Seers, it's a massive FAIL.

4) The Marriage Market
Rich boys look for rich girls. Rich girls carry LVs. Period. Suitcases Also.

5) The Vanity Watchers
This is essentially a subset of the college crowd. These women don't really have a social life. Don't even attend parties or social gatherings with loaded people to attract rich men or anything. But they need to buy one. To please their vanity. Pointless. No, really.

6) The Helplessly Unaware
Then of course there are aunties who don't even know it's the LV monogram and buy the cheap knock offs off the street without intending to project any image at all.

The problem with this phenomenon is that it's making the world ugly. I'd say it's just a reflection of how fashionably unaware Indians generally are. It's a vicious cycle. The purpose is to always show it off and it's the only one easily recognizable. Make it stop. Make it STOP. 

Relationships in College: A Superficial Survey

Indian Residential Colleges are a unique experience.

Mid Way through, I will recommend that everyone should have had this experience.

This is simply because living in a Hostel will CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

Believe me.

Today's post is a simple discussion on one aspect of Hostel Life. Dating.

An average Law Schoolite will have been in college when he was between 18 and 23 years of age. Incidentally, in my opinion, these are the times when you really really want some.

Or, if you're the cheeseball type, you're looking for love.

So, you're either going to be dating or looking. Or you're just pathetically assexual.

I have particularly noticed the following types of relationships in Law School-

1) The Happily Ever After Couple

Every batch has one of these. They fall in love early in college. First year, first or second trimester and stay in love. They get married as soon as they pass out. And every time you see them, you know they are meant to be.

2) The Forever Fighting Couple

They are the couple that last a while. A year or two. But EVERYONE knows when they're fighting. And they're fighting all the time. Everywhere. Very Very Loudly. And let's just not talk about the constantly changing relationship status.

3) The Disgusting- I-Can't-Keep-My-Hands-Off-You Couple

Their love (or lust) has an obvious physical manifestation for you to see. So they'll make out. Whenever they can. Or do other sick things. And almost don't care at all about who's around.

4) The We're-Best-Friends Couple

Of Course, they're dating. They just don't want it to be "official". Or don't want to acknowledge it. Popularly, you can tell when the boy chooses lines like "Behen jaisi hai yaar". Or if the girl will blush and giggle and say "He's not my type, yaaaaar." Of course they want to bang. Who are we kidding?

5) The Transition Couple

 This can be pinned onto any one person in the couple rebounding from a previous relationship. The other is usually hopelessly in love. Short lived. Ends Bitterly.

6) The Long Distance Relationship

 It even sounds scary. This is generally one person in college. In a relationship with his/her phone. You see he/she extra happy a few times a year. When going home and when the boyfriend/girlfriend comes to visit.

7) The Junior Girl Senior Boy Couple

The intricacies of this kind of couple are hard to understand. Obviously the boy is picking a younger kid who matches his requirements because she's an easier catch. But they tend to last long.

8) The Junior Boy Senior Girl Couple

Simply put, COUGAR ALERT.

9) The CheeseBalls

This is the couple, so much in love that they find it absolutely necessary to sit by each other and hold each other's hands even in class. After the honeymoon period. And they must have profile pictures cuddling each other. And they must eat every meal together. Both individuals involved generally lose their personal identity and take on the identity of being The Couple.

10) The He/She's Too Good For Me Couple

This is neither love nor lust. Just worship. Or obsession. One party is known to lose all sense of self respect in order to keep the relationship going. 

11) The Normal Couple

N/A. If you find one, do point them out to me. 

Happy Dating!

PS- there is no homosexual couple listed here because we're still far to conservative for that. Of course the fake ones exist in the hostels. But, you know they're fake. What's the point?
PPS- That was post no. 100. Yayieeeeee!!!!

Keep Calm and Carry On

Hello Hello!

London was awesome. Thanks for asking! Probably the last cool place I'll have traveled to for a while. :(
I'm going to boast here and tell you how in the last two years I've travelled around the East Coast of the USA, Malaysia, Singapore, Istanbul, Barcelona and the UK :). Friends only. :D

Well, when i was roaming around the beautiful Hogwarts-y streets of Cambridge, I randomly came across an interesting christmas window. Keep Calm posters all over it. 
I love the Keep Calm Poster. What a pass.

The story behind this propoganda poster is that it was released by the British government to comfort and inspire the populace in times of real crisis. The most interesting part is that it was never really released. Only made it to a few walls in a few government offices. Randomly a bookshop owner found it with some books he bought at an auction and Behold! It's everywhere.


I love the parodies more than the real thing. These are my favourites.

1) Because Violence is the Answer to EVERYTHING.

2) And Google can answer even that which is not a question.

3) Because only a Super Hero can Save the World.

4) And when the world is fine and you need saving, cupcakes cure everything.

5) Or you could just buy things.


This post was to fondly commmemmorate 99 posts for me. And to remind myself that i need to Keep Calm and Blog On.

Wanderings of an Occupied Mind

At times when you read someone else's work, have you ever wondered if it were written about you?
Have you ever wanted it to be written for you?
Often I wish to write something that will touch someone.
Does coming back to read another one count?
 
I have always wanted to watch a passionate musician perform something written just for me. Then, the pragmatist in me pops up, ruins the day dream, and says, NO. You won't be able to stand the diva.
I have always wanted to be with someone who writes for me. Talks in romance novel lingo to me. Then, the pragmatist in me pops up and says, NO. You'll ridicule the cheese.
I have always wanted to be with someone who looks like a Greek god. Then, the pragmatist in me pops up and says, NO. You will not be able to handle other women worshiping him.
I have always wanted to be with someone who is unbelievably successful, wields power and all that jazz. Then, the pragmatist in me pops up and says, NO. You'll have to take an appointment to spend time with him.
I have always wanted to be with someone who'll shower me with attention. Then, the pragmatist in me pops up and says, NO. You'll feel smothered.
I have always wanted to be with someone who'll have eyes only for me. Then, the pragmatist in me pops up and says, NO. You'll probably think he's a creep. Or pretending.
 
So, the question that really pops up is 'Does a girl really want that perfect man she conjures up inside her head? I doubt it. I doubt there's anything like a perfect man. (Women are to ridiculous to come even close to perfect).

I'd Really Just Prefer the Normal Ones. <3

Are the people you look up to really as great as you make them out to be?
Hubris, gentlemen.
I'm too scared to find out their bad qualities.
It will be a fatal flaw.
And my daydreams will come crashing down.
I don't need to be any more of a pragmatist than I already am.
It's true.
I'm neurotic.

PS
I have plenty of reasons to excuse myself from posting much less often than I used to. None of which, I like very much. Therefore, I will offer none.

Real India. Huh?

You know what really really amuses me?
Goras in India and their idea of what India is.
See, when goras are abroad, they think India is this mystic land of culture and traditions that are essentially really really weird. SO they believe we travel via elephant and we eat on leaves and wear really odd clothing.
Goras, unlike us Indians, also believe in the entire "experience" when they travel. So it's not about sightseeing, it's about living that country.
I completely love that idea and try to do as much of that as i can when I travel. But the mistaken conceptions they harbour when they come to India are just downright hilarious.
I mean, have you seen those loose culottes/harem pants/dhoti pants that they wear with weird designs and mantras on them? Or the random use of the bindi. And the worst is when they try to wear a saree or a salwar kameez.
I mean, do you see our men in kilts in Scotland?
NO.
I just faiil to understand why they dress like that.
And then they try to eat and drink wherever we do and then complain about food poisoning. You can't handle it. We told you so. Let's get you some electral now.
I mean, Real India isn't about mysticism. It isn't about fake sadhus. It is NOT about yoga. And we do speak English. It's what's sold to them. And that's how they're easy to con.
True Story.
Maybe Lonely Planet should do a disclaimer piece on that.
Really.

The Economics of Love

Assumption No. 1: Love actually exists
Assumption No. 2: People actually love each other in Law School.

So, if you've read this blog regularly, you'll have picked up by now that Law School is a BAD BAD place. Full of BAD BAD people. Mean, materialistic, malicious men (and women. oh no. especially women) who malign.
let's leave out categorizing me as this is my blog.
so a year ago, this first year came up to me as she had been assigned the topic "Economic Analysis of Relationships at NLS" for her Economics 1 Research Paper. Gossip being a subject of expertise for yours truly, i was pleased to oblige.
So i explained to her how people here only associate themselves with others if they see a certain level of utility. always reaching out for something but have egos so inflated that they want it to appear as though they are settling.
So what are the considerations:
a) financial
there are people who want the boyfriend to afford them a lifestyle
there are people who want their boyfriend to afford their own lifestyle
there are people who steal to afford their boyfriend's company
b) academic benefit
People date to gain access to notes
people date to gain access to an awesome co author for papers
People date brainiacs because they have a considerable level of respect in law school
c) social standing
People date so other people begin to acknowledge their existence
People date so they can appear to be the "cool" dating type
People date people with a greater social standing (eg. seniors) to gain those levels themselves
d) company
a boyfriend ensures you are never friendless and always have something to do
a boyfriend ensures stability

as the marginal utility of the person decreases, relationships break up and people move on to a more economically appropriate choice.
True Story.

For more information, look up:  http://www.theeconoflove.blogspot.com/

i'm gujarati. What do you expect?

That translated reads: We charge 1 rupee for filling air.

in my first year of law school we had an alcoholics anonymous orientation.
obviously. that is essential if you go to a school like this in a city practically owned by Vijay Mallya and United Breweries.
But that's not the point.
the point is that one of the slides we were shown had a line
An excuse for drinking: "I'm Punjabi, what do you expect?"
That coupled with how regionalism comes naturally to me, i always flaunted my gujarati-ness.
So the traits I take for granted as a result of being Gujarati are:
1) Money
i can count it. I can make it. I can spend it only on myself. True story.
But no, my father is not a diamond merchant. And i don't own a helicopter.
2) Dhokla
I don't eat dhokla and thepla for every meal. But yes, my mom sends it in stock as substitute for meals when I can't stand south indian food.
3) Details
in born business acumen. Exists.
4) Bombay
ofcourse it's different from Maharashtra. We just don't care enough to fight with Thackeray about it. There's a reason Bombay High Court functions in Gujarati.
5) communalism
Why deny. we don't want to kill. that's just modi. we just judge. Ofcourse you can be a customer.
6) Dandiya
My dancing skills go beyond dandiya. Believe it.

NO. My family is nothing like the K serials.

Why Not?

Disclamer: This isn't supposed to be an inspiring post which tells you to "never say NO'. (obviously the exception to that inspiring line is "Say NO to drugs", but everyone forgets that)

I mean when the universe showers you with crap, it always rains dog poop.
seriously.
I'm now back at Law School. Again. Unreformed. And therefore I am yet again cool challenged.
It's true. When I ask people to tell me cool things, they say "fridge, ice, winter, cooler, refrigerator,...". Just imagine my plight.
I'm also poor. It is one another reason why i hate juniors. Too expensive. You always have to treat them.
And I am now in my third year here. Which means dinosaurs for teachers. Or the most boring, pointless, procedure based courses that are impossible to pass. In addition to that I have the uphill task of raising my grades before me. *Sigh*

I have such cool friends back home. They party and party and party some more and do exciting courses in exciting places in the world and do exciting people. Nobody lives in Nagarbhavi. The land of the RSS. It's true. I've been chased for frequenting the chai-wala with the same boy. And nobody wears pretty clothes. :(

So now when even more crap happens I choose to tell myself, why not? How much crappier can it get. And believe me, it always surprises me :)

You should have expected a whiny post after such a long break.
Don't Lie.

Practice + Preach + Propagate

No. The sky doesn't look like that from my terrace.

Hello Boys and Girls :)
I'm in a preachy mood today. My preach isn't the must- most not type. More the, I theorized when I had an idle mind and think I should share my conclusions type.
Therefore, here goes

Theory 1:
Women bond with other women over a common enemy.
Believe me.
Everybody knows that the clothes, shoes, hot men and chick flicks is frivolous.
What keeps them together?
a) A woman must always thing that the other woman is better than her. When both parties think so about each other, there is a mutual respect created and that alone can keep the friendship going. It's not an appreciation thing. It's a she is showoff-able and might-be-useful-to-me-someday thing.
b) What do women do together which involves conversation? Gossip. The mean, bitchy kind.
What can they bitch about consistently over a period of time? A common enemy. Generally another woman or other women they know. Now the catch is that this common enemy cannot be someone they don't consider as an equal. They should always be able to hold up the garb of criticism. Ergo, this common enemy should be an equal.
It's true. No woman likes more than 2 or 3 other women who she isn't related to and HAS to like. Mostly frivolous.

Theory No. 2
There is a thick defined line between friends and acquaintances.
So I've been accused of thinking not very highly of friendships. But it's actually reverse. I think very highly of friendships and so very very very few people are slotted as friends. Everyone else is just an acquaintance. It's true. We've all established in our lives that most people should not and cannot be trusted. And this becomes a very shaky concept especially for extroverts. Therefore. Keep it simple. Remember: Nobody cares. Except someone tried and tested. Therefore friendships resealed with an apology after a massive breakdown are the strongest.

On a completely unrelated note
and a much happier one
Have you EVER professed affections for someone you don't know has reciprocal feelings?
The butterflies. Are. INSANE.
Try it some time.
And don't tell me you're a chauvinist pig or an old school girl who believes it's a boy's job.
Go out there. Do your thing man.
Chill a little bit.
<3

Long-ish blogpost after a long long time. I was on the terrace (staring at the stars of course) and felt this urge to blog and impart my wisdom. Teehee. :D
Maybe it's just my Land Law exam tomorrow. And that thing about the Land Acquisition Act that just can't keep me hooked. I mean , seriously? I know farmer disputes are heartbreaking. But I really don't care about the digitization of the Land Revenue System in Karnataka. I'm a Bombay Presidency person who'll have to learn it all over again, ANYWAY.
Stupid federal system and state list subjects.
Ooops! Legal Jargon.

OkayMustPassBye.

PS- Home in 2 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I need answers.

I love abstractions.
And easy answers.
I love theory.
And criticizing.
And questions. That can't be answered. It's a Humanities thing. :D

But now I'm at Law School. I clearly don't fit.
so,
Answer my questions. Or leave them hanging. Nobody cares :)

1. Why can't I recognize myself in pictures sometimes?
2. How can my teacher answer those questions I ask that I don't understand myself?
3. When is it true love if infatuation feels most like it?
4. How can some words be enough to be long sentences without a verb? What happened to Grammar?
5. How can it classify as poetry if it doesn't rhyme?
6. Do most people find it hard to draw a line between hunger and boredom?
7. Dude. Complan boy really wasn't that cute. Was he really Shahid Kapur?
8. Isn't it really hard sometimes to tell whether something someone said was a compliment or an insult?
9. Chick Lit cures everything. Have they tested if it cures Cancer?
10. Were you ever able to colour within the lines?

Bimbo.

I'm not a very short tempered person. 

I can keep my cool even when things really bother me.

Put up a facade of amusement and all that.

But there are certain things that are just so ridiculously annoying i want to grab the person by the collar, ram his head into the wall and then set him on fire and watch him burn.

Really.

One of those things is people calling me stupid.

Especially because I'm really smart.

No. Really.

I go to NLSIU, Bangalore. And i got in on merit.

even if that were a fluke. I'm generally street smart too.

Let me tell you of some instances

Criminal Law II viva

My teacher generally takes my case a lot in class. only on grounds of random gossip. Small community and all that. 

So i walk in and he  asked me a couple of questions here and there.

after he was done, he asked

"what's your CGPA"

so i said,

5.3 sir.

So he says- "Wow. That's good for your batch"

With incredulity and all that!

I mean, seriously. Cut me some slack.

 

NLSMUN 2011

and then the time at NLSMUN

when i was on the executive board of a committee.

we were having a feedback session and i asked my delegates how i did.

and a couple of them say, 

"Chair, you look like a bimbo. Just don't talk like one."

Come on. Are you kidding me?

 

You're dumb if you think I'm a bimbo

But I've been told I should take it as a compliment.

Maybe it means I can be smart and not look like Nerdasaur.

:)

or maybe not.

*sigh*

I'll never know.

Have you ever?

1. Eaten melted Dairy Milk when really really low?
2.Laughed so hard after taking a gulp of water that you not only spit it out it comes out through your nose?
3.Gone on an impromptu weekend away?
4.Found just enough loose change in your pocket to buy you that coffee you totally need?
5.Gotten a really fancy pedicure, just because you fought with someone important?
6.Danced in the rain like a 6-year old?
7.Had such a good day that you didn't have to stop at any red light and the iPod shuffle was just reading your mind?
8.Walked on the beach in the middle of the night with your favourite person?
9.Danced like a junglee at a baraat?
10.Danced like a junglee at Ganpati visarjan?


NO? :O Then you need it. For a truly complete life.

Cosmopolitan: The Real Teacher

There are so many women in the world you look at and feel sorry for. Because they just haven't been imparted the right kind of education with respect to how to be a woman.
I mean, being a woman is so complex. There are just so many aspects to it.
Think about it.
there is-
a) Pretty clothes
They always just have to be perfect. The right colour. The right fit. Still in tune with the trend of the season. Sifting what suits you, what doesn't. And fitting it all into your budget.
b) Finding the Prefect Man
The eternal quest. Who is right for you? Does who you date have to fulfill your checklist or do you go with instinct. Can you introduce him to your friends?
c) How NOT to be a Whore
How many boyfriends is too many? How long must you date? Can a woman date and dump as much as a man? Do you let your boyfriend pay for you at all?
d) How NOT to get too fat
This is the hardest of them all especially when there's nothing as comforting as food.
e) How to deal with Bitchy Women
They are all over. You can;t live with them. You can't kill them.
f) What you really want from life
Do you want to be a Corporate power woman or a happy homemaker?
And SO much more.

And you just can't learn all this if you don't have an understanding mom or an elder sister.
So then, what do you do?
Then. You have COSMO. *applause, drumroll*
Cosmo teaches you everything.
EVERYTHING.
There is nothing you need to know in life that Cosmo cannot teach you.
And no. This isn't with respect to all women's magazines.
They just have something wrong about them.
Like FEMINA. "For all the women you are". Really? Is calling your readers schizo a good marketing ploy?
Or VOGUE. I mean, I'm poor. Don't remind me.

And so, my dear readers, this is what you learn today.
Cosmo is GOD.
It shows you "the best that you can be."

PS- no, they are not paying me to write this.

Thank God for the Internet: Brotips = Life Advice

Ok. Do NOT think I don't have a life.
Because I totally do.
But I'm still a little bit of a nerd.
So, I love the internet.
But I'm also a super-slacker.
So I LOVE blogs, and stupid internet fads.
Like-
dearblankpleaseblank
MLIA
FML
among others.

Right now I'm totally obsessed with Brotips.
It's so supremely cool.
It's so sad women don't have a bro code.
It's so sad that women exercise their mostly-good-for-nothing braincells in absence of a code.
I wonder if it will ever be sacrosanct even if there was a bro code.
Hoes before Bros is a super big lie.
Even hoetips isn't as cool as brotips.
Women don't like women.
Unless they're Mother Teresa.
And that's just because she loved everyone.

anyway, that apart, i'm going to use my favourite brotips to make this next list.
It's totally preachy.
But it's allowed.
It's my blog and all that.
(That totally doesn't mean that I won't cater to readership demands)
(That line makes me feel like i'm selling my soul)
(as long as it's just the soul.)
(I'm Gujarati after all)

1. While bragging about your GPA remember it won't save you from getting punched.
   So totally true.
   But I love my GPA.
   And what happened to spreading the love?
   But I must agree. You will be punched if you have a good GPA and claim you're going to fail before the next exam.
   Mostly because you're claiming you'll fail because you didn't do a third revision.
   That'll make me want to punch me too.
2. There is such a thing as being too old to have a facebook page.
   Having a kid who has a facebook profile should truly be a disqualification.
   No really.
   Note: Your KIDS are sick of the privacy settings and sifting they have to do because of you.
3. Life will let you down. People will let you down. But food? Food will never let you down.
   It's really hard to admit that when you're fat.
   But dude.
   It is SO true.
4. Chicks dig boyfriend sweaters.
   And not the kind you get at Forever21.
   Believe me. There is NOTHING one of those can't cure.
   Not even a real hug from the boyfriend.
5. While the decision to get a tattoo is yours alone, consider how those stars will look on your hip when you're 80.
   That's all.

Ridiculous people

They have crazy emotions, expressions and even weirder ways of expressing them.
Extremely fascinating.
In one of my theorizing-with-self sessions, I settled on my list of people who i find absolutely ridiculous.
Here it is-

People Who Claim to be Emo

 Dude. No. You don't have the saddest, most screwed up life in the world. No, breaking up with your 6 month old boyfriend doesn't not give you license to show your sadomasochistic tendencies. NOBODY FEELS SORRY FOR YOU.
You probably just need a blow up doll.
And wear a little less kohl.
And get a haircut.
I blame it on Avril Lavigne.






"MUAAAHHH, BABES"

I mean, seriously?
Babes is plural.
Babezzzz is not the right spelling.
Muah is a way to write something with sounds like a kiss. You dont say "mooo-aaa"
And if you're male, you might want to check if it's just your anatomy that's male.
Also your sexual orientation.

Anyone who's above 20 and chooses to wear a hairband with a bow on it.

And polka dot hairbands.
And pink frilly frocks. (No, they don't qualify as dresses"
And then they pose with a pout in the bathroom mirror.
WHEREVER they find a bathroom.
DUDE.
If you're past that age and still love all that. Wait to dress your daughter up.
Or get a doll.

NO. You aren't Blair Waldorf


Whiny bloggers

Sad, depressing tales of their life. Blogging for extra sympathy.
But i guess everyone has license for that on the internet.
They probably have more of a life on the internet.

Anyone who's barely pubescent and believes he/she has found true love

And then they 'Like' those weird romantic lines on facebook.
And have those cheeseball status updates.
And they probably get more action than a lot of 20 year olds.
And have marriage plans.
And have settled on baby names.
OH wait. They haven't discovered the joys of breaking up yet.

You know you think so too.

I suck at...

I know I'm incredibly awesome and all that, but every hero has his flaws.
:)
*sigh*
Time to admit them.

I suck at-
1) Keeping my room clean

Dude. why? Dirt and filth is bad. But Mess is good. Mess is awesome. Mess gives you a sense of 'your own' :)
It's my mess.
And that's the only way I know where my things are!
And mom's not around at Law School to keep telling me to clean up ;)
Please do not say "It's not ladylike".

2) Minding my own Business

Because gossip is awesome. You know it.
There are rules to it too. Someday i'll post them. Maybe they should make it a sport.
You have some for me?

3) Eating with Chopsticks

Don't complicate food.
There are easier ways.
Oh wait. Is it a weight loss technique?

4) Frugal Living

Dude. Need to call daddy for money. NOW.

5) Finishing what I started

I always reach my "Nobody cares" point.
Not like I'm a quitter.
True Story.
Somebody should get me some elves.



Admitting these was hard enough. Not more right now.
Stick to believing in my awesomeness.

My First Award :D

When I was in school, my favourite day of the year was never my birthday like all ordinary kids. It was always Independence Day.

Ok. This is neither an essay on Patriotism or India or How-I-Am-A-Weirdo.

Independence Day was prize distribution day in my school.

And since I am a sucker for appreciation, I loved, no scratch that, LOVED getting prizes. Which I got every year because I'm just so awesome.
(I secretly get excited even when my facebook status gets multiple likes)

Dude,
 I think Blogger should TOTALLY get a 'like' button.

Ok, self praise apart.

I love my blog and everything. I love bloggers also. All these people on my blogroll, FULL RESPECT. I love dedicated bloggers. They are incredibly cool. Always have something to say to interest me, fascinate me or make me smile. Make me go back again and again. I always wanted New Lamps For Old to be that way. But, I just don't have the drive.

I never have the drive more so because it is hard to believe people keep returning to your blog like you return to theirs. But no, there is someone who thinks i have a lovely blog :D Yay!!! *does wild jungle dance*

Kanika at Sensitive Chaos has given me my first award.

Yay!!!!

See See See!!!!

Cool or WHAT?

Thanks Kanika. I'm totally going to blog regularly for a bit. For you. In spite of new boyfriend, being lovestruck, honeymoon period and all that :D

PS- You should totally stop judging me now or laughing at me. You love prizes too.

Truths About Life

1. Everybody secretly likes gay music.
Justin Beiber or Taylor Swift. Don't lie.
2. Juhu Beach= best place in the universe.
3. It is probably Made in China.
4. There's always space for pretense.
5. You need some candy right now.
6. Blogging is an excuse to whine.
7. Candy is Dandy but liquor is Quicker.
8. Being happy is easier than you make it out to be. :)
9. Retail Therapy = Super Duper Pass.
10. They don't make Hindi music like '90s Bollywood anymore.
11. Blackberries have taken over the world.
12. Web-comics can make any nerd's day.
13. Scamming. Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy.
14. All women find women attractive. It's standing them that is the hard part.

15. I'm awesome. Come on. That's allowed.